The process of doing

I guess without a home computer and without all the photos I'd been saving on it (and consequently deleting from my camera), the only thing I'm able to do right now is wax poetic on gardening and life topics. Lucky you for happening upon this post!


Yesterday was my birthday and I received my birthday request - to have a full day's worth of uninterrupted gardening. I did hear one loud, "MOOOOM!!!", but then silence, so someone must have taken care of it.


The task of the day was to complete the weeding of the front perennial bed. As I was on hands and knees meditatively pulling weeds near the blueberry shrubs in the front, I had a brilliant idea. Rather than keeping the small area near the front door clear of plants so that I could step into the garden to pick blueberries, I would instead place a few stepping stones in the bed. This would be not only practical, but pretty to look at and also cut back on the amount of weeds I'd have to pull. This doesn't sound very profoundish. I know.


The simple idea of adding a few stepping stones would never have occurred to me if I weren't on my hands and knees pulling weeds. Here's the thing. I'm a planner. I'm extremely organized. When I get a new wallet, each slot needs to be designated to hold something. In garden terms, this means everything is pretty played out in my head - the colors, the height, the space, etc. I'm not saying everything looks great, but for my taste and within the confines of my artistic ability, there's a place for each plant, and each plant is in it's place. I know this because I stand outside with pencil and paper and sketch out a plan. I sit indoors and sift through catalogs and books and get it ALL FIGURED OUT.


The profoundish part is this: I'm working on a project that is very ambitious and fairly creative. I apologize for being vague - but it's one of those I-don't-want-to-jinx-it kind of things. For the first time in my life, I'm procrastinating. But I know why I'm procrastinating. It's because for the first time in my life, I'm afraid that I won't be able to do what I'm hoping to be able to do. The idea is well thought out. I know because I've drafted it. I've talked about it. I've dreamt about it. What I haven't done, is execute it. For about 2 years now, my friend Nicole has been telling me the equivalent of "You have to just do it". She has explained to me - in a way that only an artist is able to fully explain - this is a creative process and in the process of DOING it, all kinds of wonderful things happen - things take shape and things change shape. This was the jist of it - less eloquently said I'm sure.


So as I whiled away the day, I saw elements of the garden that I would never have noticed standing with a piece of paper, trying to design the perfect layout. However, sitting on the ground with hands in the dirt, I saw the soil in a different way, viewed the blueberry shrubs at a different level, and through the process of doing, a practical little stone path was revealed to me.


Now if I can just apply this to my project and cut the freaking procrastination and fear, I'll be in good shape!